public grief junkie

Our happy camden home

Camden Market, London NW1. If plastic gothic-themed handbags didn't make middle class girls moan loudly and clamp their thighs together, it probably wouldn't exist at all.

Every Saturday and Sunday, you'll find us just over the Lock Bridge in the East Yard, against a backdrop of thousands of lame gringo children buying Ramones merchandise, French tourists trying to find Cyberdog, and fourteen year olds pretending to be lesbians. Don't let the fact that it's the most annoying and over rated retail experience in the history of commerce put you off in any way.

If Paul can keep his mouth shut for five consecutive seconds, you may even be able to buy something from the stall.

Our Spitalfields branch

Paul's grandfather used to steal curtain material from East India Dock and sell it at Spitalfields market, so there is a proud family history for us to uphold. Spitalfields is like Camden, but without all the very excited adolescent girls, rude Spanish tourists and pavements with spit all over them. In short, it's nice, and it has stuff you might actually want to buy there.

Trying to find anything at Spitalfields is like trying to find a nipple in a haystack or whatever, and in any case, we don't have a fixed pitch there like what we have got at Camden. One week we could be next to the lady selling olives, the next we could be next to that shop with all the doormats outside it. We just don't know. We've also been known to pop across Commercial Street and trade at Up Market, if we're feeling fly. So, like a good man these days, we're hard to find. That said, we do sell our nicer things there, so the reward awaiting you is lavish and bounteous indeed. Spitalfields and Up Market and such are only open on Sundays, though, so don't try coming up on Saturday or you'll look like an amateur.

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Ensure you never, ever, miss anything at all, even for one second, by entering your email address. As technology advances, we'll have implants in your brain. If it retreats, we'll send big men with big dogs round to your house at 3 am to let you know when new stuff is going on. But for now, this is a happy medium, we feel.